Now, openly expressing your negative feelings doesn’t mean you should go around putting others down and it also doesn’t mean finger wagging or accusing. Instead, find a more constructive way to get things off your chest. You might find it’s best for you to write your feelings down, wait a day or so, review your email for tone, and send them off in an e-mail. If you have the creative ability, write a poem or a song about your feelings. Whatever you do, focus on the problem, not the person. After all, we all make mistakes!
If you think you can’t be that open about your feelings, always express what you are thankful for first. For example, you can start with a positive compliment then gradually express your frustrations.
Remember to feel the gratitude even if you want to “feel” your hurt or anger. The higher vibrational energies of gratitude and love will help calm a more explosive version of your hurt.
If you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for, keep looking further. There are plenty of joys within your life that your negative emotions often disguise. For example, did you have a nourishing breakfast this morning? Then you have something to be thankful for! Have you ever had a rewarding conversation with a loved one that made you see them with new eyes? Then you have something to be thankful for!
Focus on these positive, rewarding experiences first and foremost, then express your feelings openly and honestly. With an attitude of gratitude for all that you have, you will feel confident in your right to express how you feel.
In his poem, why did Blake readily tell his anger to his friend? He cared about his friend and was grateful to have him, so he wanted to diffuse his anger right away. However, when it came to Blake’s foe, he was not so grateful and, instead, suffered greatly as the bitterness and anger became a poison tree within his soul.
Remember, your spirit remains within you and affects how you think, feel, and act. So seek peace within your heart and mind with the power of gratitude!
To our healing,
Don’t Plant the Poison Tree Seed
When you conceal your true feelings, there’s an internal pressure that causes negative emotions like anger, resentment, fear, and hatred to swell up and take on more potential energy within you. The day always comes when those emotions explode outward because of the pressure.
When this happens you might say things you don’t mean that may cause deep pain to those you love the most (I sure did). The possible negative actions and reactions that stem from your suppressed feelings could fill an entire notebook, which is all the more reason to express your feelings peacefully!
By honestly expressing your feelings you can diffuse the negative energy and immediately start feeling more peace within you. After all, you’ll feel less stress, tension, and anger when all feelings are put out on the table. Expressing your feelings constructively will help you speak more sensitively and rationally and see the good within others.
I’ve chosen to work a lot with emotional baggage, my own and those of my clients. I do it because I realized at a later time in my life that I had no clue on how to both honor my emotions, release what hurt, and speak without hurting others. It was part of the codependence that I grew up in and continued throughout my early family life. Every once in a while, when push comes to shove, I can still feel those old habits rise to the surface.
But I work on it every day. I can choose my thoughts and choose to change! And so do my clients as we figure out a new way to live.
Here’s some of what I’ve learned, and I hope it helps you, too.
Express Your Feelings Peacefully with the Help of Gratitude
In his poem, A Poison Tree, the great poet William Blake wrote, “I was angry with my friend. I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe. I told it not, my wrath did grow.”
When you suppress your feelings, both positive and negative ones, you’re keeping yourself from being all that you can be. Not only that but if you internalize your emotions, you are growing into the very same ‘poisoned tree’ that William Blake wrote about.
I remember a pastor talk about not letting a bitter root grow up inside you. I knew that I had one, but I didn’t fully know what to do about that bitter root.
After a divorce and a chance to do some introspection and counseling, I learned more about using different communication styles that would do less harm while still letting me say what I needed to say.
But it wasn’t until I learned about the energetic release of trapped emotions that it really came together.
By practicing gratitude every day, I’m learning more about how to release those bitter roots that have been stuck inside me for years. Even without my knowledge, I have kept certain unhealthy beliefs or reactions tucked away inside. I didn’t want that. And neither do my clients.
Now that I'm older and have been through a few Christmases, I understand why my mother-in-law would go to her bedroom and shed a few tears every Christmas gathering. I find myself doing the same thing and not even knowing why. Sometimes its because I miss someone, or remember something, or just feel confused and frustrated.
But I do know that Christmas brings out all sorts of funny feelings.
I'm not talking about the stress of spending money that we shouldn't spend or the list of Christmas duties that is way too long--I'm talking about the memories that are triggered by the pressure of a family holiday.
Like when Uncle Ron comes to the house and wants to drink too much and tell icky jokes. Or the tension between adult brothers that sours the air in the room. Or the children's tantrums as they "patiently" wait to open presents--and just can't do it anymore. I'm sure you have your list of things that don't match up to the fairy tales on TV. Here are three things that will truly help you cope better this holiday season:
1. Stay hydrated. (My clients get this one cause it always comes up.) If you keep drinking your 8-10 cups of good water every day, your blood can flow more quickly and cleanly and remove the toxins that want to build up from the extra stressful times we're in.
2. Take a few minutes every day to meditate and go to the quiet rooms in your headspace. It does make a difference to do a routine of quiet or soft-music meditation so you can calm your mind and ground your soul. Imagine a long cord going from your spine deep into the earth. It pulls up all of the good earth energy to keep you focused, clear, and grounded for today. Then, see yourself being showered with glittering light from above. Surrounding you in love and warmth.
3. Begin and end the day with a gratitude list. Something that you can feel. Like your grandchild's smile as he looks at you. Or the feel of the cozy blanket and cup of tea and a good book. Or the memory of the conversation you had with a friend today--and you laughed. Feel it. Re-live it. Appreciate it.
We may not be able to control what happens in our holiday gatherings or the events leading up to them, but we can do a few things that will affect our attitudes towards them. And, remember, you don't have to keep doing things like you did them in the past. You don't have to go to someone's house if Uncle will be there and will make you uncomfortable. Or you can limit how much time you stay. You can make choices for yourself, too.
By doing the three simple things listed above, you will be on the right road for some peace and stability during this busy time of year.
Beginnings Require Endings
I know that its Christmas time and feelings are everywhere. Some good, and some not so good. And the list is long of what you need to get done before the big day(s). I've been thinking a lot about the meaning of Christmas: the things I want to keep in my life, the things I want to let go of, and the person I want to be.
For those of you who know the Christmas story with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Mary was a teenage mom who was told by an angel that she was pregnant with the savior of the world. Talk about a new beginning! This was heady news for a young teenager. What would she do?! She could have run to hide (she did visit her cousin), or she could have risked being stoned to death if she went another route with her truth. Instead, she did what the angel said and told her fiance the news. A whole new beginning.
Here's one thing I've discovered:
An ending doesn’t necessarily mean you’re giving up – it just means that you’re starting
again, but in another direction. Mary couldn't give up, because the heavens were depending on her. Or for us, it doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on a job because you quit working at your place of employment. It does mean that you don’t see a good reason to continue in the present job, so you’re going to begin another that will take you more in the direction you want to go.
New beginnings require that you absolutely bring an end to the part of your life that
isn’t working for you and bring in the positive thinking of the new life you’re about to
enter. Read Mary's story and you'll read her song of rejoicing and acceptance of this new beginning in her life.
Try this one on:
• Change your mindset – Change your mind about whatever isn’t working in your
life and concentrate on the steps that will lead you toward the changes you want
and need to make. Think of the changes as positive forces in your life. For
example, if you want to change your dietary habits, think of your old ways as
unhealthy – poison to the system and taking years off your lifespan. Mary had to move forward. She needed to change her mindset and take the action that was required of her.
I'll share more tips on how to make a successful new beginning in your life. I've had to (and chosen to) do it several times, too.
You can do this.
I’m enjoying taking a class with Jeffrey Allen called “Transcendence.” Its all about practicing your connections with God Above and God Within, your intuition, your Higher Self, and all that goes with it.
What’s unique is that this is about practice. Not about knowledge or information or new insight. Its about practicing skills that help you grow and develop those neural pathways that will bring you greater connection. And I want that along with a greater sense of compassion, love, and peace for myself and for the world around me.
Do you remember the first time you tried to type or play tennis or ride a horse? It wasn’t easy. Sure, you could move your fingers or hold a racquet or get on the horse. But then what!? It took practice to make it natural and smooth, so you could enjoy the end results.
That’s the same with our spiritual and intuitive practices.
In my “Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward” system, we work together to clear your subconscious energy blocks, and we complement that with practices that will increase your ability to heal by raising your vibrational level. Things like a gratitude habit, a meditation practice, a forgiveness routine, and more.
Are you ready for that higher connection? I’d be delighted to walk with you towards your own personal practice to reach a greater compassion, love, and peace. I’m ready when you are!
Does Your Head Talk to You Too Much?
Maybe this sounds silly, but do you find that your head keeps talking to you and you can’t turn it off? I know how that feels cuz I was burdened with that for many years. Until I realized that…
You can choose your thoughts.
Yes. You can exercise control over the thoughts that keep flitting through your head. You can influence your own thoughts to be more self-compassionate on yourself, less hurtful to you and others, and simply less inflammatory.
This was a whole new concept that was introduced to me through the writings of Marianne Williamson and Caroline Myss. They said to practice giving your brain quiet time. When you feel too many jumbling thoughts, try stopping it just for a few seconds, and then a few more seconds. Just breathe through it. Learn and practice, learn and practice some more. Let there simply be nothing in your head for a while. Hard to do sometimes!
I noticed that when I calmed my incessant thinking, I started seeing the room in front of me instead of the place I wanted to be in the future. I smelled the smells around me and noticed the sky out the window. I didn’t think about it. I just noticed. And I’d smile.
I eventually learned that this is called mindfulness. One definition is, “A mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”
It is all too easy to list what needs to be done in the next day, week, month or re-hash what you said to your boss or didn’t say to your boss. Or relive the near accident you had today. Or berate yourself for not speaking up for yourself during the meeting.
Sure, these things happened and might need some attention. But when you find yourself going over things and over things in your head, and your head starts talking too much….
Stop. You can choose your thoughts. Calm yourself by breathing in the moment. Feel your feelings. Smell the smells around you and wonder what someone is cooking. Listen for the birds or the trees talking to each other. Notice the variety of textures in front of you. Smile at the photo smiling back at you. Just take some time to notice what is around you and let your thoughts get still.
I also know that our subconscious puts us on autopilot based on what we perceived during our childhood or even inherited from our families. The subconscious autopilot keeps re-living our unhealthy beliefs we picked up along the way. But you can choose your thoughts, if you take some time to stop the autopilot, pay attention to what is around you, calm the voices in our heads, and choose more uplifting thoughts.
That’s when I’ve been so grateful that through this Body Code practice of energy clearing, I can help others get free from the trapped emotional energies that hold them back from enjoying the moment. I do daily releases on myself and get to help my clients find more peace, too. I’m still astounded how it changes things.
I am grateful and will continue to work on choosing my thoughts more carefully.
What Do You Tell Yourself that Keeps You Stuck?
"I failed at this before."
OK. I'll give you some space on this one because I know first-hand that failure can hurt.
But I won't let you end there. Because "failure" is just another way of life getting your attention that you have some learning and growing to do. And, that things are not yet quite ready for you to move ahead--you have some baggage to attend to.
Have you ever tried to talk to your boss and felt like you got nowhere? Or have you wanted to move to a new place and didn't have the courage to do so?
By shifting your focus off of what seems like failure and instead re-framing past situations as, "What really happened? What did I learn? What could I do better?" you start to see things in a new light.
Using energy clearing, your subconscious reveals past feelings that keep you repeating old patterns based on unhealthy emotions or energies. Your body wants to identify these, release them, and regain its vibrational strength to move forward.
I can work with your subconscious to release these blockages, and I use my years of life experience and intuitive wisdom to suggest conscious plans of action. They go hand in hand to help you take the steps you want in life.
Several of my clients felt they wanted to move to a different place, a different climate. Together we acknowledged areas that needed to be addressed, energetically released subconscious blockages, and tried on new scenarios. Eventually the next step and then the next step happened as he or she assessed their lives with less stress and pain. Ultimately, some chose to move to a new locale and some did not. The move was not the end goal, the clearing of past baggage was.
By clearing the blockages that hold us back, we clear our goggles and can see our next step more clearly.
And, that truly is enough to get started. Failure just becomes the stepping stone to the next life adventure and growth opportunity.
I can help you get started and reach your new life, too.
If you struggle with never feeling good enough or with other trapped feelings and beliefs that hold you back, I am here for you.
You don’t have to go this path alone. You can find and live your Higher Purpose in life with clarity, confidence, and calm.
Through my special Compassionate Energy Clearing, I can help you release the blocks that hold you back from living the life you want to lead. Contact me today for a free first consult to see if this is right for you.
Learn more at DynamicLifeHealing.com.
Dynamic Life Healing is home of the "Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward" System of Change to help men and women who are stuck, get unstuck and move forward into their new lives, loves, and passions without added meds, lengthy therapies, or painful processes.
What Do You Tell Yourself that Keeps You Stuck?
“It’s too complicated.”
By now you know that I focus on getting unstuck and moving forward in life--because I've needed it so much in my own life. And I've seen it in the lives of my friends, family, and clients.
I understand what it means get stuck in grief after the loss of a love relationship whether through death, divorce, or separation. I know what it feels like to be in a job that doesn’t fit, but you still need to pay the bills. Or, how it feels to be frozen with fear at taking a step that might snowball in ways you can’t control or know what will happen. Aargh!
So often, we stay stuck because it all seems too complicated to figure out.
“It’s too complicated,” we tell ourselves. And since we can’t figure out every detail in the future, we give up and do nothing. But doing nothing keeps you in the same mudpuddle.
Instead, take a look back at your life and see all the things you DID figure out because you took an action that needed to be taken. Then, smile and be grateful. If you truly want to make a change and take an action that will lead to change, you only need to know the next step—not the whole picture. You are responsible for only that and let Spirit work on the rest of the how and what.
You can be free of the feelings and the unhelpful beliefs that hold you back!
When I lived in Baltimore, I decided to flip a house for profit (you can laugh now; it didn’t work too well, but I learned a lot). What I learned is that with every weird thing that happened that I couldn’t figure out, an answer would come. Eventually, I had enough names of tradespeople and city officials to help me deal with the next weird event. I learned to calm my fears and the wringing of hands, because I had enough of the right contacts so I could figure out how to handle the next thing that would happen—because it always did! It was the agony and anticipation that were more painful than the actual weird events.
(I do wish I had known about releasing blocked energies back then.)
I’ve found this applies to my life here in Malaysia, too, on big things and little things. Like, how do I pay my electric bill that is written in a language I don’t understand? I was so stuck in being afraid that I would never get it paid and they’d turn off my electricity or they’d run me out of the country because….(you get the picture)…!! Oh, my, oh, my, what would I do?!, I thought.
It took me days to practice opening up the online version of my Malaysian bank account. I practiced pushing buttons on the thing-a-ma-jig the bank gave me for security purposes. Then, I’d close it up and have tea. I needed a break.
By this time, I knew enough to clear some energy blockages on myself. Then, I’d go back and open up the online bank account and start the process again. This time, I could go further and more quickly. Eventually I found the button that said “pay bills,” “add payee,” and found the drop down menu with words that matched the words on my electric bill. And, voila, I pushed more buttons and paid the bill. I did it!
No one was there to celebrate with me, but I felt great that I had conquered something that was “too complicated” for me to face. It took me a few tries, and I practiced each step until I could take the next step. Yes, I had some frustration (ha!), but I wanted to prove to myself that I could establish my life here in Malaysia and make it work.
I realize this isn’t about a major life decision or great pain—but it did touch my feelings of fear that I wouldn’t be able to cope in a new country. It touched my confidence in myself, my sense of independence and competence, and my ability to figure things out.
I worked on myself through energy release to get myself unstuck and able to face that new online banking system again. I practiced my habits of breathing, giving myself space to fail and try again, and persistence. And it came together—and now I have automatic payments set up and I don’t have to worry about any of it.
This stuff works.
What Will They Write on Your Tombstone?
A good friend and mentor died this past week. He was a very young 69-year-old and died in his sleep.
He lived in Minnesota and had taught for many years at a local college. He and his wife and family were pillars of the community and often opened their home to others for gatherings and good conversation.
Our lives crossed paths when he wanted to engage his cross-cultural communication students with New Americans who were still adjusting to this new life in a new country after suffering much trauma from their war-torn countries. We designed a program that worked for all of us, and, with the usual ups and down, we pulled off a wonderful learning experience for all involved. We took that collaborative spirit into another job and vision that I was given, and he was part of a strategic advisory group that guided this new vision into life.
But now he’s gone.
I started to think about the word, “legacy.” What would my life have been if the Universe had not let our paths cross? What would I have missed in laughter, deep thoughts, undivided attention, and challenging perspectives? He brought all of that to our working relationship (and—then--so did I).
His presence, wisdom, and coaching were foundational to my growth as a non-profit executive and as a person.
So, what will they write on my tombstone? That’s actually a good exercise on what matters to you: the impact you want to have on your part of the world.
I decided that I’d be happy if others said: “When Denise entered the room, she brought love and compassion with her. She paid attention to me and cared about me. She spoke with wisdom, strength and courage. She was a blessing.”
That’s my mission in this work and in my personal life. May I live up to the legacy I want to leave on this earth when I pass into the next life.
What will be your legacy?
Certified Body Code Practitioner, life coach and energy healer, former non-profit executive with years of experience in caring for and about people and their place in this world. Friend of refugees and immigrants, ally to the addiction recovery community--all with respect, love, and compassion for mutual healing.