What Will They Write on Your Tombstone?
A good friend and mentor died this past week. He was a very young 69-year-old and died in his sleep.
He lived in Minnesota and had taught for many years at a local college. He and his wife and family were pillars of the community and often opened their home to others for gatherings and good conversation.
Our lives crossed paths when he wanted to engage his cross-cultural communication students with New Americans who were still adjusting to this new life in a new country after suffering much trauma from their war-torn countries. We designed a program that worked for all of us, and, with the usual ups and down, we pulled off a wonderful learning experience for all involved. We took that collaborative spirit into another job and vision that I was given, and he was part of a strategic advisory group that guided this new vision into life.
But now he’s gone.
I started to think about the word, “legacy.” What would my life have been if the Universe had not let our paths cross? What would I have missed in laughter, deep thoughts, undivided attention, and challenging perspectives? He brought all of that to our working relationship (and—then--so did I).
His presence, wisdom, and coaching were foundational to my growth as a non-profit executive and as a person.
So, what will they write on my tombstone? That’s actually a good exercise on what matters to you: the impact you want to have on your part of the world.
I decided that I’d be happy if others said: “When Denise entered the room, she brought love and compassion with her. She paid attention to me and cared about me. She spoke with wisdom, strength and courage. She was a blessing.”
That’s my mission in this work and in my personal life. May I live up to the legacy I want to leave on this earth when I pass into the next life.
What will be your legacy?
Terror: Intense, sharp, overmastering fear; extreme fright; alarm.
A client said I could share this story about “terror” that was stuck in him and has been holding him back from doing what he really wants to do—be a better communicator.
All of his life, “Bob” wanted to feel comfortable speaking in a group, talking one-on-one on a date, speaking up in a meeting, or making a presentation of his business products. He struggled with the agony of wondering how his words would be received once he spoke his piece.
You probably know the sweaty palms, the hesitation, the fear that goes with public speaking. For some of us, just opening our mouths causes terror. It’s high on everyone’s list of the most dreaded activities anyone can do.
Bob wants so much to be a better communicator. He’s even taking a special course that can help him grow his confidence in telling stories and sharing what he knows. And Bob has plenty of great things to say! He knows what he wants but is still struggling with the terror of doing the coursework.
Through energy clearing, we were able to focus specifically on the blockage that is holding him back from succeeding in the course. We cleared a couple of stuck emotions—and then came terror.
Sometimes terror comes up from big things like traumas (I think of rape or a car accident—you just never know). But more often than not, terror show itself from an event that happened that became uniquely tied to a person’s beliefs about themselves.
For instance, you may have trapped “terror” from a childhood sports event where you thought everything rested on your shoulders, and you didn’t win the game for the team. Or you heard your parents fighting and realized your family might be falling apart (regardless of whether it did or not, you held on to that fear). Or, you were belittled in school for something you said and now you have to be extra careful to avoid the pain of being belittled again.
To cope with this, you build defenses that tell you things that are not helpful like: “I’m not good for my team. They shouldn’t trust me to add anything to the team.” Or “I’m not capable of being in a strong family relationship.” Or, “What I have to say is stupid so no one would want to hear my thoughts.”
That feeling of sheer terror can be relieved by energetically removing it and letting it go into the cosmos. Then our natural healing tendencies take over to bring us to a higher vibrational level where abundance thrives and the world of possibility exists. We can also begin to identify underlying beliefs that need to be confronted, released, and replaced with more helpful and loving beliefs.
Now, when Bob approaches his course work to grow his ability and confidence to communicate, he can trust himself and his words. He can release the terror that has kept him frozen with fear. The world is opening up for him in so many, many ways.
I can’t wait to see where it brings him.
Insecurity: A lack of confidence; self-conscious; shy. Feeling unsafe from danger or ridicule.
This simple yet damaging feeling can get trapped when we feel disconnected, misunderstood, socially awkward, or don’t know what or whom to trust for our safety.
In a recent conversation with a client, insecurity came up around her relationship with her husband. This emotion got stuck years ago when the marriage was threatened by too much time apart, harsh words, and not enough time spent together, loving each other. The marriage survived, but she hadn’t felt secure in the marriage. Fortunately, it identified itself, and we could release it into the cosmos.
She will no longer carry around that hidden emotion that could fester and cause sickness or disease. She will be free from that low-vibrating feeling that might hold her back from fully loving her family and husband.
In our follow-up conversation, she shared how she and her husband were now spending more quality time together, focusing on mutual interests and encouraging each other in their individual interests, too. And, they were laughing a lot more together, too. She felt more secure in his love and secure that they could weather the storms, whatever they might be. What good news to hear!
Insecurity is one of the emotions that often gets trapped in the root chakra located at the base of our spines. It is where we find our rootedness to the here and now, feel secure in our bodies, and find contentment in our lives. If that first chakra is unbalanced from unhappy and unhealthy energies, it cannot work at full capacity. It gets blocked.
I find it such a blessing to help others release these sometimes hidden pains that hold them back. I know how it feels to be released from these blockages!
Certified Body Code Practitioner, life coach and energy healer, former non-profit executive with years of experience in caring for and about people and their place in this world. Friend of refugees and immigrants, ally to the addiction recovery community--all with respect, love, and compassion for mutual healing.