Now that I'm older and have been through a few Christmases, I understand why my mother-in-law would go to her bedroom and shed a few tears every Christmas gathering. I find myself doing the same thing and not even knowing why. Sometimes its because I miss someone, or remember something, or just feel confused and frustrated.
But I do know that Christmas brings out all sorts of funny feelings.
I'm not talking about the stress of spending money that we shouldn't spend or the list of Christmas duties that is way too long--I'm talking about the memories that are triggered by the pressure of a family holiday.
Like when Uncle Ron comes to the house and wants to drink too much and tell icky jokes. Or the tension between adult brothers that sours the air in the room. Or the children's tantrums as they "patiently" wait to open presents--and just can't do it anymore. I'm sure you have your list of things that don't match up to the fairy tales on TV. Here are three things that will truly help you cope better this holiday season:
1. Stay hydrated. (My clients get this one cause it always comes up.) If you keep drinking your 8-10 cups of good water every day, your blood can flow more quickly and cleanly and remove the toxins that want to build up from the extra stressful times we're in.
2. Take a few minutes every day to meditate and go to the quiet rooms in your headspace. It does make a difference to do a routine of quiet or soft-music meditation so you can calm your mind and ground your soul. Imagine a long cord going from your spine deep into the earth. It pulls up all of the good earth energy to keep you focused, clear, and grounded for today. Then, see yourself being showered with glittering light from above. Surrounding you in love and warmth.
3. Begin and end the day with a gratitude list. Something that you can feel. Like your grandchild's smile as he looks at you. Or the feel of the cozy blanket and cup of tea and a good book. Or the memory of the conversation you had with a friend today--and you laughed. Feel it. Re-live it. Appreciate it.
We may not be able to control what happens in our holiday gatherings or the events leading up to them, but we can do a few things that will affect our attitudes towards them. And, remember, you don't have to keep doing things like you did them in the past. You don't have to go to someone's house if Uncle will be there and will make you uncomfortable. Or you can limit how much time you stay. You can make choices for yourself, too.
By doing the three simple things listed above, you will be on the right road for some peace and stability during this busy time of year.
Beginnings Require Endings
I know that its Christmas time and feelings are everywhere. Some good, and some not so good. And the list is long of what you need to get done before the big day(s). I've been thinking a lot about the meaning of Christmas: the things I want to keep in my life, the things I want to let go of, and the person I want to be.
For those of you who know the Christmas story with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Mary was a teenage mom who was told by an angel that she was pregnant with the savior of the world. Talk about a new beginning! This was heady news for a young teenager. What would she do?! She could have run to hide (she did visit her cousin), or she could have risked being stoned to death if she went another route with her truth. Instead, she did what the angel said and told her fiance the news. A whole new beginning.
Here's one thing I've discovered:
An ending doesn’t necessarily mean you’re giving up – it just means that you’re starting
again, but in another direction. Mary couldn't give up, because the heavens were depending on her. Or for us, it doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on a job because you quit working at your place of employment. It does mean that you don’t see a good reason to continue in the present job, so you’re going to begin another that will take you more in the direction you want to go.
New beginnings require that you absolutely bring an end to the part of your life that
isn’t working for you and bring in the positive thinking of the new life you’re about to
enter. Read Mary's story and you'll read her song of rejoicing and acceptance of this new beginning in her life.
Try this one on:
• Change your mindset – Change your mind about whatever isn’t working in your
life and concentrate on the steps that will lead you toward the changes you want
and need to make. Think of the changes as positive forces in your life. For
example, if you want to change your dietary habits, think of your old ways as
unhealthy – poison to the system and taking years off your lifespan. Mary had to move forward. She needed to change her mindset and take the action that was required of her.
I'll share more tips on how to make a successful new beginning in your life. I've had to (and chosen to) do it several times, too.
You can do this.
I’m enjoying taking a class with Jeffrey Allen called “Transcendence.” Its all about practicing your connections with God Above and God Within, your intuition, your Higher Self, and all that goes with it.
What’s unique is that this is about practice. Not about knowledge or information or new insight. Its about practicing skills that help you grow and develop those neural pathways that will bring you greater connection. And I want that along with a greater sense of compassion, love, and peace for myself and for the world around me.
Do you remember the first time you tried to type or play tennis or ride a horse? It wasn’t easy. Sure, you could move your fingers or hold a racquet or get on the horse. But then what!? It took practice to make it natural and smooth, so you could enjoy the end results.
That’s the same with our spiritual and intuitive practices.
In my “Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward” system, we work together to clear your subconscious energy blocks, and we complement that with practices that will increase your ability to heal by raising your vibrational level. Things like a gratitude habit, a meditation practice, a forgiveness routine, and more.
Are you ready for that higher connection? I’d be delighted to walk with you towards your own personal practice to reach a greater compassion, love, and peace. I’m ready when you are!
Does Your Head Talk to You Too Much?
Maybe this sounds silly, but do you find that your head keeps talking to you and you can’t turn it off? I know how that feels cuz I was burdened with that for many years. Until I realized that…
You can choose your thoughts.
Yes. You can exercise control over the thoughts that keep flitting through your head. You can influence your own thoughts to be more self-compassionate on yourself, less hurtful to you and others, and simply less inflammatory.
This was a whole new concept that was introduced to me through the writings of Marianne Williamson and Caroline Myss. They said to practice giving your brain quiet time. When you feel too many jumbling thoughts, try stopping it just for a few seconds, and then a few more seconds. Just breathe through it. Learn and practice, learn and practice some more. Let there simply be nothing in your head for a while. Hard to do sometimes!
I noticed that when I calmed my incessant thinking, I started seeing the room in front of me instead of the place I wanted to be in the future. I smelled the smells around me and noticed the sky out the window. I didn’t think about it. I just noticed. And I’d smile.
I eventually learned that this is called mindfulness. One definition is, “A mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”
It is all too easy to list what needs to be done in the next day, week, month or re-hash what you said to your boss or didn’t say to your boss. Or relive the near accident you had today. Or berate yourself for not speaking up for yourself during the meeting.
Sure, these things happened and might need some attention. But when you find yourself going over things and over things in your head, and your head starts talking too much….
Stop. You can choose your thoughts. Calm yourself by breathing in the moment. Feel your feelings. Smell the smells around you and wonder what someone is cooking. Listen for the birds or the trees talking to each other. Notice the variety of textures in front of you. Smile at the photo smiling back at you. Just take some time to notice what is around you and let your thoughts get still.
I also know that our subconscious puts us on autopilot based on what we perceived during our childhood or even inherited from our families. The subconscious autopilot keeps re-living our unhealthy beliefs we picked up along the way. But you can choose your thoughts, if you take some time to stop the autopilot, pay attention to what is around you, calm the voices in our heads, and choose more uplifting thoughts.
That’s when I’ve been so grateful that through this Body Code practice of energy clearing, I can help others get free from the trapped emotional energies that hold them back from enjoying the moment. I do daily releases on myself and get to help my clients find more peace, too. I’m still astounded how it changes things.
I am grateful and will continue to work on choosing my thoughts more carefully.
What Do You Tell Yourself that Keeps You Stuck?
"I failed at this before."
OK. I'll give you some space on this one because I know first-hand that failure can hurt.
But I won't let you end there. Because "failure" is just another way of life getting your attention that you have some learning and growing to do. And, that things are not yet quite ready for you to move ahead--you have some baggage to attend to.
Have you ever tried to talk to your boss and felt like you got nowhere? Or have you wanted to move to a new place and didn't have the courage to do so?
By shifting your focus off of what seems like failure and instead re-framing past situations as, "What really happened? What did I learn? What could I do better?" you start to see things in a new light.
Using energy clearing, your subconscious reveals past feelings that keep you repeating old patterns based on unhealthy emotions or energies. Your body wants to identify these, release them, and regain its vibrational strength to move forward.
I can work with your subconscious to release these blockages, and I use my years of life experience and intuitive wisdom to suggest conscious plans of action. They go hand in hand to help you take the steps you want in life.
Several of my clients felt they wanted to move to a different place, a different climate. Together we acknowledged areas that needed to be addressed, energetically released subconscious blockages, and tried on new scenarios. Eventually the next step and then the next step happened as he or she assessed their lives with less stress and pain. Ultimately, some chose to move to a new locale and some did not. The move was not the end goal, the clearing of past baggage was.
By clearing the blockages that hold us back, we clear our goggles and can see our next step more clearly.
And, that truly is enough to get started. Failure just becomes the stepping stone to the next life adventure and growth opportunity.
I can help you get started and reach your new life, too.
If you struggle with never feeling good enough or with other trapped feelings and beliefs that hold you back, I am here for you.
You don’t have to go this path alone. You can find and live your Higher Purpose in life with clarity, confidence, and calm.
Through my special Compassionate Energy Clearing, I can help you release the blocks that hold you back from living the life you want to lead. Contact me today for a free first consult to see if this is right for you.
Learn more at DynamicLifeHealing.com.
Dynamic Life Healing is home of the "Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward" System of Change to help men and women who are stuck, get unstuck and move forward into their new lives, loves, and passions without added meds, lengthy therapies, or painful processes.
What Do You Tell Yourself that Keeps You Stuck?
“It’s too complicated.”
By now you know that I focus on getting unstuck and moving forward in life--because I've needed it so much in my own life. And I've seen it in the lives of my friends, family, and clients.
I understand what it means get stuck in grief after the loss of a love relationship whether through death, divorce, or separation. I know what it feels like to be in a job that doesn’t fit, but you still need to pay the bills. Or, how it feels to be frozen with fear at taking a step that might snowball in ways you can’t control or know what will happen. Aargh!
So often, we stay stuck because it all seems too complicated to figure out.
“It’s too complicated,” we tell ourselves. And since we can’t figure out every detail in the future, we give up and do nothing. But doing nothing keeps you in the same mudpuddle.
Instead, take a look back at your life and see all the things you DID figure out because you took an action that needed to be taken. Then, smile and be grateful. If you truly want to make a change and take an action that will lead to change, you only need to know the next step—not the whole picture. You are responsible for only that and let Spirit work on the rest of the how and what.
You can be free of the feelings and the unhelpful beliefs that hold you back!
When I lived in Baltimore, I decided to flip a house for profit (you can laugh now; it didn’t work too well, but I learned a lot). What I learned is that with every weird thing that happened that I couldn’t figure out, an answer would come. Eventually, I had enough names of tradespeople and city officials to help me deal with the next weird event. I learned to calm my fears and the wringing of hands, because I had enough of the right contacts so I could figure out how to handle the next thing that would happen—because it always did! It was the agony and anticipation that were more painful than the actual weird events.
(I do wish I had known about releasing blocked energies back then.)
I’ve found this applies to my life here in Malaysia, too, on big things and little things. Like, how do I pay my electric bill that is written in a language I don’t understand? I was so stuck in being afraid that I would never get it paid and they’d turn off my electricity or they’d run me out of the country because….(you get the picture)…!! Oh, my, oh, my, what would I do?!, I thought.
It took me days to practice opening up the online version of my Malaysian bank account. I practiced pushing buttons on the thing-a-ma-jig the bank gave me for security purposes. Then, I’d close it up and have tea. I needed a break.
By this time, I knew enough to clear some energy blockages on myself. Then, I’d go back and open up the online bank account and start the process again. This time, I could go further and more quickly. Eventually I found the button that said “pay bills,” “add payee,” and found the drop down menu with words that matched the words on my electric bill. And, voila, I pushed more buttons and paid the bill. I did it!
No one was there to celebrate with me, but I felt great that I had conquered something that was “too complicated” for me to face. It took me a few tries, and I practiced each step until I could take the next step. Yes, I had some frustration (ha!), but I wanted to prove to myself that I could establish my life here in Malaysia and make it work.
I realize this isn’t about a major life decision or great pain—but it did touch my feelings of fear that I wouldn’t be able to cope in a new country. It touched my confidence in myself, my sense of independence and competence, and my ability to figure things out.
I worked on myself through energy release to get myself unstuck and able to face that new online banking system again. I practiced my habits of breathing, giving myself space to fail and try again, and persistence. And it came together—and now I have automatic payments set up and I don’t have to worry about any of it.
This stuff works.
What Will They Write on Your Tombstone?
A good friend and mentor died this past week. He was a very young 69-year-old and died in his sleep.
He lived in Minnesota and had taught for many years at a local college. He and his wife and family were pillars of the community and often opened their home to others for gatherings and good conversation.
Our lives crossed paths when he wanted to engage his cross-cultural communication students with New Americans who were still adjusting to this new life in a new country after suffering much trauma from their war-torn countries. We designed a program that worked for all of us, and, with the usual ups and down, we pulled off a wonderful learning experience for all involved. We took that collaborative spirit into another job and vision that I was given, and he was part of a strategic advisory group that guided this new vision into life.
But now he’s gone.
I started to think about the word, “legacy.” What would my life have been if the Universe had not let our paths cross? What would I have missed in laughter, deep thoughts, undivided attention, and challenging perspectives? He brought all of that to our working relationship (and—then--so did I).
His presence, wisdom, and coaching were foundational to my growth as a non-profit executive and as a person.
So, what will they write on my tombstone? That’s actually a good exercise on what matters to you: the impact you want to have on your part of the world.
I decided that I’d be happy if others said: “When Denise entered the room, she brought love and compassion with her. She paid attention to me and cared about me. She spoke with wisdom, strength and courage. She was a blessing.”
That’s my mission in this work and in my personal life. May I live up to the legacy I want to leave on this earth when I pass into the next life.
What will be your legacy?
Terror: Intense, sharp, overmastering fear; extreme fright; alarm.
A client said I could share this story about “terror” that was stuck in him and has been holding him back from doing what he really wants to do—be a better communicator.
All of his life, “Bob” wanted to feel comfortable speaking in a group, talking one-on-one on a date, speaking up in a meeting, or making a presentation of his business products. He struggled with the agony of wondering how his words would be received once he spoke his piece.
You probably know the sweaty palms, the hesitation, the fear that goes with public speaking. For some of us, just opening our mouths causes terror. It’s high on everyone’s list of the most dreaded activities anyone can do.
Bob wants so much to be a better communicator. He’s even taking a special course that can help him grow his confidence in telling stories and sharing what he knows. And Bob has plenty of great things to say! He knows what he wants but is still struggling with the terror of doing the coursework.
Through energy clearing, we were able to focus specifically on the blockage that is holding him back from succeeding in the course. We cleared a couple of stuck emotions—and then came terror.
Sometimes terror comes up from big things like traumas (I think of rape or a car accident—you just never know). But more often than not, terror show itself from an event that happened that became uniquely tied to a person’s beliefs about themselves.
For instance, you may have trapped “terror” from a childhood sports event where you thought everything rested on your shoulders, and you didn’t win the game for the team. Or you heard your parents fighting and realized your family might be falling apart (regardless of whether it did or not, you held on to that fear). Or, you were belittled in school for something you said and now you have to be extra careful to avoid the pain of being belittled again.
To cope with this, you build defenses that tell you things that are not helpful like: “I’m not good for my team. They shouldn’t trust me to add anything to the team.” Or “I’m not capable of being in a strong family relationship.” Or, “What I have to say is stupid so no one would want to hear my thoughts.”
That feeling of sheer terror can be relieved by energetically removing it and letting it go into the cosmos. Then our natural healing tendencies take over to bring us to a higher vibrational level where abundance thrives and the world of possibility exists. We can also begin to identify underlying beliefs that need to be confronted, released, and replaced with more helpful and loving beliefs.
Now, when Bob approaches his course work to grow his ability and confidence to communicate, he can trust himself and his words. He can release the terror that has kept him frozen with fear. The world is opening up for him in so many, many ways.
I can’t wait to see where it brings him.
Insecurity: A lack of confidence; self-conscious; shy. Feeling unsafe from danger or ridicule.
This simple yet damaging feeling can get trapped when we feel disconnected, misunderstood, socially awkward, or don’t know what or whom to trust for our safety.
In a recent conversation with a client, insecurity came up around her relationship with her husband. This emotion got stuck years ago when the marriage was threatened by too much time apart, harsh words, and not enough time spent together, loving each other. The marriage survived, but she hadn’t felt secure in the marriage. Fortunately, it identified itself, and we could release it into the cosmos.
She will no longer carry around that hidden emotion that could fester and cause sickness or disease. She will be free from that low-vibrating feeling that might hold her back from fully loving her family and husband.
In our follow-up conversation, she shared how she and her husband were now spending more quality time together, focusing on mutual interests and encouraging each other in their individual interests, too. And, they were laughing a lot more together, too. She felt more secure in his love and secure that they could weather the storms, whatever they might be. What good news to hear!
Insecurity is one of the emotions that often gets trapped in the root chakra located at the base of our spines. It is where we find our rootedness to the here and now, feel secure in our bodies, and find contentment in our lives. If that first chakra is unbalanced from unhappy and unhealthy energies, it cannot work at full capacity. It gets blocked.
I find it such a blessing to help others release these sometimes hidden pains that hold them back. I know how it feels to be released from these blockages!
Worthless: Of no importance or value; without excellence of character, quality, or esteem; serving no purpose.
Isn’t that definition just hard to read? Yet, this is one of the most common trapped emotions that comes up for my clients and for me. There isn’t a one of us who wakes up and says, “Oh, I think I’m going to feel totally worthless today. Let’s see how I can live that out.” We hide it so well, but it has a way of catching up with us.
Many of us women who are in our 60’s saw few role models of strong women who claimed their importance in the family or who were acknowledged for the contributions they made to the world around them. Whether as a parent, a bread-winner, a super-woman, a PTA organizer, or soccer mom. Sometimes this feeling worthless, turned into unhealthy habits or even sickness.
Our younger women colleagues and family members work so hard to pay off school loans, build a meaningful life, and avoid falling apart that there seems to be nothing left for the loving and living we want to do. So many days we flop into bed wondering if anything we had done that day mattered--mattered to the world or to our loved ones.
Feeling worthless, just isn't worth it to ourselves, our loved ones, or the world! We want to bring our whole beautiful selves to every day. We want to show that confident, wise, calm person we are deep inside and who wants to come out to show the world. it is so, so possible!
When “worthless” comes up in a session, we clear it energetically and release that pain into the cosmos. We take a moment to see what memory comes up that is tied to that feeling (if it does), recognize its roots, nod an acknowledgment, and let it go. Unless there are other trapped emotions (or miasms or misalignments, etc.) that surround that traumatic memory or event, then we release those, too.
After releasing these trapped traumas from the body and soul, we can turn to setting a more positive conscious intention. The simple phrase, “I am enough, and that is all I need to know today” when repeatedly said aloud helps train the conscious brain and the subconscious brain to see and feel the world differently—with more clarity, confidence, and calm.
By repeating this healing intention until you can feel (with your heart energy and spirit) that it is becoming a part of you, you can watch your body and soul heal as it wants to heal. You can leave the past behind, in its place, and move forward into your future.
You can become more joyful in life and less bogged down with the feeling of being worthless. Your purpose for each and every day can be worked out with clarity, confidence, and calm. Your worth will shine, and your strength will grow.
Certified Body Code Practitioner, life coach and energy healer, former non-profit executive with years of experience in caring for and about people and their place in this world. Friend of refugees and immigrants, ally to the addiction recovery community--all with respect, love, and compassion for mutual healing.